How Breadcrumbing Hinders Healing

Embarking on a self-love and healing journey is honestly easier said than done, chiiiiile. One moment, it feels like you’re on track and are unstoppable, the next moment, you’re spiralling out of your intended path and into the same old self-destructive patterns you’re trying to heal from. I mean, what with setting personal boundaries and feeling good about your intentions only to be tried and tested the moment you decide to live out your intentions!

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At its worst, chronic and persistent breadcrumbing has elements of narcissism, manipulation, and abuse. And if we’re honest, we’ve been abusers just as much as we’ve been victims.

Which brings me to narcissistic behaviour like breadcrumbing in a journey such as this. Like, why, is it something we humans feel is necessary in relationships (of any sort)? If you’ve been heartbroken in a family, work, platonic or romantic relationship, chances are you’ve dealt with the concept of breadcrumbing without even realizing it.

Psssst! Before we talk about this emotional monster, let’s first check out this week’s episode of Phenomenal Life with Vicky Meg Podcast on Anchor (or wherever you find your podcast), which I proudly produce with my daughters every Sunday. Kindly be sure to download, listen, rate, review, like and share with a loved one who might benefit from a pick-me-up.

Okay, so breadcrumbing is basically the act of “leading someone on” and “keeping someone’s hopes up” through small and superficial acts of interest, enticement, and flirtation, but ultimately disappointing the victim with false expectations, empty promises, and abandonment (emotional if not physical). 

Breadcrumbing can occur in dating and romantic scenarios (i.e. stringing someone along but not committing), family dynamics (i.e. infrequent and conditional love), friendships and even social media (i.e. connecting then semi-ghosting), and professional situations (i.e. dangling illusive opportunities).

Breadcrumbing often contains elements of narcissism and manipulation.

Preston Ni M.S.B.A. for Psychology Today

In milder forms, breadcrumbing lacks consistency and integrity, and may easily be dismissed by a victim. At its worst, however, chronic and persistent breadcrumbing has elements of narcissism (the breadcrumber’s self-absorption/self-gratification), manipulation (using others), and abuse (emotional betrayal/neglect).

A breadcrumbing relationship of any kind may include one or more of the following characteristics:

1. Emotional Roller Coaster and Uncertainty

Those at the receiving end of breadcrumbing often experience an emotional roller coaster (disappointed most of the time with occasional false hope), along with confusion and self-doubt. The victim of breadcrumbing may begin to question and even blame themselves for the breadcrumber’s relational neglect (i.e. “is this because of me?”, “did I do something wrong to make them treat me this way?”)

If this sounds familiar, keep reading. . .

The Comeback Story We All Want | COMEBACK SEASON

Everyone has a secret (c’mon, somebody. . . hands up!🙋‍♀️) of one sort or another. Every family and every community and every country has its secrets too (just watch the detective movies on Netflix😂).

• How Breadcrumbing Hinders Healing
• The Comeback Story We All Want | COMEBACK SEASON
• Top 10 Gifts Your Gen Zers Will Actually Appreciate This Christmas
• 4 Grown-up Lessons for Everyday Life In The Age of Loneliness & Cancel Culture | VULNERABLE SERIES
• Are We Ready To Talk About Loneliness? (Part 1) | Vulnerable Series

The certain result of all our hiding is that we become cut off from our Source of life, strangers to ourselves, and alienated from creation, which, in the end, is pathetic, disfiguring, and an utterly tragic loss of life!

For some, it is an addictive behavior. For others it is an abusive or traumatic experience that may only intensify feelings of shame. Still for others, it is the fear of being rejected or failure to set healthy personal boundaries leading up to tragic life decisions, the lust for power, an uncontrollable temper birthed from weak emotional intelligence, emotional infidelity caused by lack of integrity, a vicious prejudice, a program of terror, an insatiable jealousy of others, repeated acts of self-indulgence, or something else.

But before we go on, have you listened to the recent episodes of Phenomenal Life with Vicky Meg Podcast on Anchor (or wherever you find your podcast)? Chiiiiiile, you’re missing out!!!! Begin by listening to How To Save A Life and then work your way down the beautifully long list of Podcast Episodes which I produce with my daughters (aged 14 and 7) every single Sunday.

This baby (I mean the workout vest☝️) is almost ready to join our 2022 merch😎. Listen to the Podcast each Sunday for updates👕❤!!

Top 10 Gifts Your Gen Zers Will Actually Appreciate This Christmas

With uncertain futures, the best gifts for Gen Z don’t come in boxes with bows.

KEY POINTS

• Gen Z is facing a very different future than past generations have.
• The best gifts for this holiday season do not come in boxes with bows.
• The best gifts you can give the Gen Z in your life is the knowledge they need for future success.

Our youth have an unpredictable future.

Labeled “Gen Z,” those born between 1997 and 2012 are marching towards a future rife with artificial intelligence, cryptocurrency, the metaverse, climate and sustainability issues, cybersecurity threats, and a pandemic likely turned endemic—a pandemic economy. At the same time, our over-extended schools do not have the capacity to prepare our kids for this future. (I outline why in “The Revised Purpose of School”).

So, this year, if your Gen Z’s are like my three children, they would love nothing more than new phones, 90’s high-rise jeans, and thrift store clothes. However, unless these come from your basement (which they may), many of the best gifts are timeless… and free!

The Gifts Gen Z Actually Need

4 Grown-up Lessons for Everyday Life In The Age of Loneliness & Cancel Culture | VULNERABLE SERIES

Shopping. Binge-watching Netflix. Taking a luxurious evening bath. Tweaking our skin-care routines. Getting a trendy facial or a 60-minute aromatherapy message. Going to a two-week spa retreat . . . these are some of the examples of endless self-care go-to in the world around us today.

A fave Van Briggle Pottery: “Despondency” from the Met Museum, New York.

For many of us, our default disposition especially when life beats us down isn’t vulnerability but a a go-it-alone posture. The above examples of “self-care” activities are often designed for us to partake in alone. In these moments, if you’re like me, you’ll choose self-preservation over vulnerability any day. Like having a kid-free “self-care Sunday”, you’ll prefer to work alone, make decisions alone, muscle through struggles alone, get credit for your accomplishments alone. 

I am notorious for ‘getting into my shell’ like a tortoise when life hurts, just to survive.

-VM

• How Breadcrumbing Hinders Healing
• The Comeback Story We All Want | COMEBACK SEASON
• Top 10 Gifts Your Gen Zers Will Actually Appreciate This Christmas
• 4 Grown-up Lessons for Everyday Life In The Age of Loneliness & Cancel Culture | VULNERABLE SERIES
• Are We Ready To Talk About Loneliness? (Part 1) | Vulnerable Series

One of my favourite wall art pieces!

Thing is, the go-it-alone posture gives us control and allows us to avoid vulnerability. The problem with that is, God doesn’t think much of the go-it-alone approach, especially in the service of others. Jesus didn’t go-it-alone during his time of ministry; he doesn’t go-it-alone now (John 10:22-39; 14:7-14). And when he sent followers to preach and do miracles, he sent them in pairs, so they wouldn’t go-it-alone either (Mark 6:7-13; Luke 10:1-12). Clearly this is important. But, why are pairs or groups such better units for service than is one person, on their own? 

Before we get into it, listen to the recent episode of Phenomenal Life with Vicky Meg Podcast. We’d love your feedback @phenomenallife_with_vickymeg on Instagram. Like, download, and share our episode links with others to lift them them up. We don’t mind voice massages on the Podcast as well via anchor.fm 😍

Are We Ready To Talk About Loneliness? (Part 1) | Vulnerable Series

It’s not always easy to put yourself out there. But, taking risks is important in every facet of life, because risks help us understand our bounderies.

Yes, vulnerability can open us up to pain, embarrassment as well as rejection, but it can also be a gift.

-VM

I’m learning through the help of my loved ones, tons of journaling (which I take very seriously), reading and listening to different iconic figures whose perspective I hold in high regard, that vulnerability can be a gift. Yes, it can open us up to pain and embarrassment, as well as rejection. However, done right, it can also bring us authentic connections and acceptance for our authentic selves and the world around us.

• How Breadcrumbing Hinders Healing
• The Comeback Story We All Want | COMEBACK SEASON
• Top 10 Gifts Your Gen Zers Will Actually Appreciate This Christmas
• 4 Grown-up Lessons for Everyday Life In The Age of Loneliness & Cancel Culture | VULNERABLE SERIES
• Are We Ready To Talk About Loneliness? (Part 1) | Vulnerable Series
• Between ‘Fatigue’ &; ‘Fathead’ Is ‘Father’. Here’s Why | Happy Father’s Day
• Befriend Your Imperfections, Mommy | Happy Mother’s Day
• #1 Move Nobody Will Tell You About Purpose
• Love Letter to the Queen Mother | Mom Series
• Girl, Get Up!

I have to admit that vulnerability scares the crap out of me because with it can come loneliness birthed from feelings of shame, guilt and fear either from past experiences or present circumstances. But, I’m also learning that it is very necessary to ask the questions that we’re most embarrassed to ask and to give the answers we’re scared to say out loud.

Between ‘Fatigue’ &; ‘Fathead’ Is ‘Father’. Here’s Why | Happy Father’s Day

Father’s Day isn’t nearly as big as Mother’s Day. The florist isn’t overworked, card sales aren’t nearly as profitable, restaurants will be half-filled, and church attendance pales in comparison. And to be honest, fathers aren’t celebrated as much as single moms on Father’s Day and on Mother’s Day.

• How Breadcrumbing Hinders Healing
• The Comeback Story We All Want | COMEBACK SEASON
• Top 10 Gifts Your Gen Zers Will Actually Appreciate This Christmas
• 4 Grown-up Lessons for Everyday Life In The Age of Loneliness & Cancel Culture | VULNERABLE SERIES
• Are We Ready To Talk About Loneliness? (Part 1) | Vulnerable Series

To all the good ones!

On Mother’s Day, influential figures especially those on social media in the past decade, all across most parts of the world, praise Mom for her sacrifices, and everybody weeps. But on Father’s Day we talk about absentee father’s, deadbeat dad’s statistics are recited, and we lay on the guilt for not being there for the kids.

Before we continue celebrating the good ones, why don’t you hop onto Phenomenal Life with Vicky Meg Podcast to listen to the latest episodes of our Podcast where we delve on all things Personal Development? Your day (and maybe life 😉 ) maybe better for it.

If you look up the word ”father” in the dictionary it occurs just before the word ”fatigue,” and just after the word, ”fathead!”

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Befriend Your Imperfections, Mommy | Happy Mother’s Day

Hard as it may be for me to admit, allow me the space to do: I’m not even perfect at being imperfect. Some days I still try really hard to be a ‘supermommy’.

Phenomenal Magazine

Sometimes I let my expectations morph into needs instead of keeping them submitted and surrendered to God’s authority. I tend to let my desire to be a “good mom”—by my standards or the world’s—become more important to me than my desire for God’s purpose for my life to manifest in my motherhood journey.

Vicky’s Collection

Progress. Just make progress. It’s okay to have setbacks and to need do-overs. It’s okay to draw a line in the sand and start over again—and again.

Notes to Self

Before we go any further, you need to listen to our recent episodes of Phenomenal Life with Vicky Meg Podcast. It will be a day well spent. Promise!

#1 Move Nobody Will Tell You About Purpose

If you’ve ever read Rick Warren’s book, What On Earth Am I Here For? then you’ll definitely understand my point today.

You feel inadequate, don’t you, when you compare yourself or begin to live your life based off of Insta-driven opinions?

The questions “What is my purpose in life?” and “How can I be happy?” are bundled up in answering what on earth you are here for, especially if you’ve found yourself on the wrong side of life due to the pandemic. If you’re like me; you’ve probably been left asking yourself these two actually very similar yet distinct questions. I’m however painfully discovering that you can never truly understand how to find your purpose by listening to others’ opinions and seeking outside approval (Romans 8:28). Scrolling through your Insta feed under misleading hashtags such as #livingmybestlife, #blessed, or even #mylifemyway will not help you answer these questions. If anything, they’ll only make you doubt your worth, your significance and, more so, your purpose on earth in these trying times.