There’s only so much you can do as far as people’s influence in your daily life goes, especially when you understand that you have all the power – that they treat you the way they do, because you allow them to.
So in the spirit of #WellnessWednesday, I’d like to revisit contents of an article we posted here last year titled “Detox from negative people to live your best life”.
Believe me, you’ll be able to either identify with one of the “labels” below or they will remind you of one or two people in your life who represent them. Hopefully, you’ll know how to deal with such the next time you encounter them…
Derived from numerous conversations with the author of the steps on how to get rid of toxic people, Leon ‘Lee’ Fuller himself, and with his permission to share, read on and move on to be the best version of yourself:
Toxic relationships can wreck marriages, end relationships, sink business relationships, sabotage careers and destroy peace of mind. It’s so important for those of us with vision to recognize the characteristics of those whose sole mission is to destroy or impede our progress. Here are a few common traits of toxic folks with my commentary added.”
“Some relationships constantly drain your energy, in both obvious and subtle ways. Several types of people will exhaust you or deter you from your path to living a fulfilled life or reaching your destiny. Life coach, Cheryl Richardson, identifies and describes six types of toxic qualities in people.”
This person, Lee explains, “likes to hear his own voice. He constantly complains about what isn’t working in his life and yet gets energy from complaining and dumping his frustrations on you. You feel like you are being used because you know this person is just ranting and raving. They are not looking for solutions and are often a big part of the problem. They just want a willing vessel to dump into. It’s NEVER their responsibility and they ALWAYS lead all conversation back to what “they” did.”
This is the needy person who calls to ask for your guidance, support, information, advice or whatever she needs to feel better in the moment, according to Lee. “Because of her neediness, the conversation often revolves around her, and you can almost feel the life being sucked out of you during the conversation. This one will keep agreeing that you give great advice but NEVER use the advice. They seem to enjoy hearing you reveal nuggets that will help them but NEVER plan to use the advice.”
“This person can be hazardous to your health,” Lee warns, adding: “The shamer may cut you off when you’re speaking, put you down with insults (sometimes followed by “I’m just kidding”), reprimand you as if you are a child, or make fun of you or your ideas in front of others or when you are alone with them. He often ignores your boundaries and may try to convince you that his criticism is for your own good. The shamer is the kind of person who makes you question your own sanity before his. They often act like they are morally better than you are.”
Lee says this is the person who discounts or challenges everything you say. They only listen to oppose, not to understand. “Often, she has a strong need to be right and can find fault with any position. It can be exhausting to have a conversation with the discounter, so eventually you end up giving in and deciding to just listen. You feel like everything you say is being judged or evaluated.”
This one is good! Turns out this person avoids intimacy by talking about others behind their backs. Don’t you know someone like this r can YOU relate?
“The gossip gets energy from relaying stories, opinions, and the latest “scoop”. By gossiping about others, he creates a lack of safety in his relationships, whether he realizes it or not. After all, if he’ll talk about someone else, he’ll talk about you,” Lee explains, adding that he gets the drainer and the gossip too frequently.
Lately, however, “I have encountered a couple of people who happen to be shamers and discounters. A shamer is usually a ‘put-down artist’ – someone who tries to get you to explain yourself and your actions as if they were a judge. They will even acknowledge other folks in good ways but nit pick and throw verbal jabs about petty things about you to lessen your importance, while a discounter makes light of the things that are important to you or flat out ignores you or shows little expression or interest about things that matter to you. They seem to look for and find a flaw to comment on when they themselves need a lot of work.”
The key, Lee advises, is to learn the differences and detox once you’ve identified anyone in your personal or professional life who falls into these categories. It is not your job or responsibility to try to change anyone. Therefore, simply free yourself from their negative, toxic influence.
“Your dreams, goals and aspirations are too important to attempt them with toxic people polluting your thoughts and emotions. Get free NOW,” Lee concludes.
I know I can identify myself in some of these types of people. That’s why I’ve to decided to be a better friend, sister, mother and ‘socialpreneur’.
Can you identify yourself in any of these types of characters? Do you know any of these characters of people? Well, now you know what to do; detox from your toxic behavior and run the opposite direction from toxic people, if you ever want to grow.You can only help steer them towards the right path, though. No judgement.
Stay inspired and be the phenomenal version of yourself, always!