Repeatedly doing the same thing, expecting different outcomes, ironically, how we live by our “new year’s resolutions” lists, year in, year out. Well, dear, that’s the real definition of stupidity.
Social media now oozes of “New Year New Me” posts by people who displayed the same content at the beginning of 2015, and 2014, and 2013, and… Oddly, all those “new me” crap only last – wait for it – 30 days!
Speaking from experience, I’ve been like all these people – make long lists of things not to be done and those to be achieved within every New Year. And guess what? Come November, I’d be reeling in despair and a good amount of hope, at the same time. Despair and disappointment with self for the unachieved “goals”, and hope for the possibilities of achievable goals come the New Year. This went on for so, so long until I realized last year, while packaging the #IAmPossible program, that wait, as a man thinketh so is he!
Until I realized an unachieved goal is like a rubber band being stretched to its limits, I could not unpack the tension that accompanies an unrealized dream – worse, having tension with myself for not doing what I had set out to do. And here’s why…
On Phenomenal Magazine’s social media pages (Facebook, Twitter and Instagram) I ran daily vlogs as regards the 30-day challenge, throughout December 2015, which I had dubbed the ‘#PM30DayChallenge’, as part of the #IAmPossible web series (watch out for the movie version of the 30-day challenge coming soon). In each vlog, I’d speak about the negative qualities we needed to weed out, in preparation for 2016, for the sake of self-development and a desire to make the New Year more productive than the last (refer to video blogs on Phenomenal Magazine on Facebook). I believed that if we honestly weeded out the negative and mentally, spiritually, emotionally and even physically prepared for the new season, we wouldn’t need to make New Year’s resolutions.
I shared what makes me “possible” in the hope that it would help you apply these 6 principles in your daily life, and achieve all you want this year:
1. No excuses – I don’t take excuses even from myself. I achieve this by making a conscious decision, on a daily basis, to NOT look for reasons why I can’t do something, especially if it aligns with my goals, values and principles as a human being and a career professional.
2. Being a professional – Titles have nothing on you when you’re determined to stay the course of your journey. That realization can only be arrived at when you realize that being a professional is a state of being, not the bestowment of a job title. The moment you start seeking titles to appease your ego, you’ll never achieve anything beyond what your ego dictates to you. Being a professional means “showing up” even when the world around you is falling apart.
3. Blame shifting – The moment every single mistake is everybody else’s but yours and yet you’re the one who suffers the blows, know that it’s time to “man up” and start taking care of your business. We all don’t like to take responsibility for a break-up, a job or financial loss, bad parenting, weight gain, sour ties, etc. it’s a lonely road to take, because everybody else would rather not be blamed for any of it.
But this year, instead of making a long list of do’s and don’t’s you know you will not live by, how about you start taking some responsibility for every darn thing you know you have had a part in, in destroying your life, rather than running the opposite direction?
4. Rid yourself of the victim mentality – This is the closest cousin to blame-shifting and the entitlement syndrome. When you always shift blame, it is easy to do it wearing your victim hat and “you owe me” boots, proudly, because you expect the world to condemn your offenders. News flash; half the time, the world doesn’t care! Why? Because everyone is trying to sort out their own lanes. So why should they think of your story as more important than theirs? I was once big on this, until not so long ago – you know; telling whomever cared to listen, what a tough life I’d had or was having and how I was in that state because of A, B, C so and so had done to me…bluh, bluh, bluh! Wonder how I rose above that?
– I’m very spiritual but I’m one of those whom God is only good to when I’m getting what I want. I viewed the aspect of being blessed as getting what I wanted versus having what I needed. The moment I made peace with God’s ways, things changed. It was always a matter of riding myself of my victim hat, throwing away my entitlement boots, and professing that I am victorious and should live like it!
5. I am what I speak – Like I said, I’m very spiritual, not religious, and if you find this post too preachy for you, you’re on the wrong site. To grow my spiritual life, I dig into scripture, and at my darkest moments last year, I dug in and this is what helped me rise above my problems and speak life into my life:
– “A good man’s speech reveals the rich treasures within him. An evil-hearted man is filled with venom, and his speech reveals it.”
– The evil or good in me shows through the way I express myself on any issue, whether to myself or to the world.
– The most important part of my daily existence is my ability to express myself using words, for they define my personality. “You are no better or greater than your words. Words define your life, your values and your personality. The character of your words is the character of your personality.”
– My life is the expression, the manifestation and reflection of my words. It does not take long to know who I am. All I have to do is speak for a few minutes, because my “words locate me; they tell where you are in life…”
6. I understand my self-worth vs. my self-value – As I mentioned in the video [titled the same], my self-worth is how the world views me, and often, I cannot control it because I cannot control people’s opinions of me. However, self-value is how I view myself – how I speak to myself, whether or not I respect myself or demand it from others…
How do I get past this?
– I choose to attract what I expect: I don’t boggle my mind with negativity. I focus on the good outcomes to every move I make. Should things not go as pated, I asses my actions up to the point of disappointment to see where I might have missed the mark. Then I set out to attract more positive outcomes in every move I make, by actually “showing up” and doing what needs to be done, without expecting to get what I haven’t worked for.
– I choose to reflect what I desire: I achieve this by living by the power of my words, my thoughts and my actions. Thoughts become words, words become things, and things turn into full-blown actions. Need I say more?
– I choose to become what I respect: As I’d mentioned in the video with the same title, often we are obligated to respect people whose view we sometimes do not share, such as our parents. But would you want to become like the parent you respect out of obligation? Nope. That’s why embodying that kind of respect begins from the inside, through self-respect. You cannot go around demanding respect from others rather than commanding it in the way you carry out yourself. When you respect yourself, you do not talk down on yourself and constantly pick what you perceive as your inadequacies, with a pair of sharp tweezers. No. You forgive yourself and others and move on because you know holding it all in is poisonous only to you. And when your inside is poisoned, you productivity is stifled! So you choose to become what you respect (which is you) by embodying the word itself.
– I choose to mirror what I admire: Do I admire materially wealthy people? Do I admire spiritually stable people? Do I admire good parents? Do I admire respectful people? Do I admire successful people who live success in every area of their lives? Yes! So what should I do to become just as successful as they all are in all aspects of my life? I mirror their ways. Period!
When all’s said and done, all you can ever be is all you exude. The moment you sort out your inside, you will ooze of it all in a way that you will never have to say or do something “smart” to get ahead, because you will embody authenticity. This comes when you constantly seek to be a better person every day – being kind to yourself to be genuinely kind to others, take care of your physical appearance, take care of your spiritual life and educate yourself!
Happy New Year!